Twilight

As I sit here having just had my last Spanish lunch with María, la señora de la casa, I can’t help but think about everything that has happened in these four fleeting months. Through the successes, and the failures, I feel like I’ve grown. My worldview has changed, I have a much better grasp of a different language, I’ve learned how to interact with others in a foreign environment. I feel more mature, in this sense, and I’m very grateful for this because I know not everyone has the opportunity to embark on an adventure like I have. Not everyone has the chance to take a class on a subject in Spanish (I’d never taken a Linguistics class before) at the oldest university in Spain (like I did this morning, pretty sure it went very well).

Coming to Spain has also opened my eyes to some things I never really thought too much about in the States. While my Spanish has certainly improved, it is still not at the native speaker level. I’m pretty confident that right now I can have a basic to intermediate conversation with a town-person or a store owner or a student, but at the beginning of the program I could not say the same. This makes me think about all of the immigrants who come to the US with little to no English. I can’t say it is quite the same, since knowing English makes Spanish a bit easier, but I do have an idea of what it feels like to walk through a city feeling very not confident (I notice I’m having trouble writing this since I’ve spent so much time studying in Spanish) about your ability to speak the language. I wouldn’t call it a fear, but there is an unceasing nervousness about having to interact with the locals when your language skills aren’t up to par. Things as simple as going to the movies or buying a sandwich, things we take for granted in the States, become challenges in themselves.

Something else I’ve noticed is that it seems as if we are unaware of the role we play in the world and the image we project as a nation. The reality is that we are very privileged to live in the US in the sense that, even in the face of an economic crisis, there is so much opportunity. Here in Spain, many very talented young professionals have to leave the country to find work because there is no work to be found. They are going to Germany, the Netherlands, Denmark, wherever they can to making a living.

So I wouldn’t say that the qualities I value in the US have changed, but rather that I can look at them through a new lens. I’m still super happy to attend CMC, a fantastic school and my second home, and I’m very happy to live near LA, my favorite city in the US. I’m happy that we have so much diversity in Southern Cal and most of the rest of the US. But I also recognize that it is a tough experience to come to the US and try to integrate oneself in society. I also know that many others in the world view the US as a land of opportunity but also a land with many odd laws and questionable practices abroad.

Perhaps the biggest quality of the US, that I now have a bigger appreciation for, is the idea that, given willpower and determination, anyone, with proper support and guidance, can succeed. I’ve been taking some breakdancing lessons here. At first I couldn’t do anything. I was terrible. But I continued to practice and now I can comfortably toprock (dancing while standing, not doing the crazy flips and what not). It’s the same with Spanish. At first I couldn’t say much, my verb conjugations were terrible. But now I can hold a conversation. It is all a matter of practice and willpower. We all fail, everybody fails when they first try something. The difference is in whether you have wherewithal to stand up and say I’m going to keep failing until I finally succeed. That seems to be a lesson that rings true no matter where you are and is perhaps the biggest lesson anyone can learn from an experience like this.